214-351-1901
info@cathedralofhope.com
SCRIPTURE
Ester 4:14
Who knows but that you might have been led to [this place] for such a time as this.
WORDS OF HOPE
A nearby church has asked me to share the story of my faith and grief journey after my beloved Joyce’s death. And I have been struggling. Baring this level of vulnerability—including coming out to a room of mostly strangers-- has my courage flagging. As I have prayed and wrestled with the challenges, a memory of a similar time came to mind, a time I had to reach deep to summon the courage for authentic living.
Many years ago, having discerned that ordination was not the path to which I was called, I entered a program in Spiritual Formation at Columbia Theological Seminary in Decatur, Georgia, and took a series of mini-courses in a wide variety of subjects—from Celtic Spirituality to Writing Spiritual Autobiography. I loved reading the books and writing mini-papers before gathering with others on campus for lectures, discussions, morning and evening prayer, small groups, and prayer partners-- and even embraced the reflective 10 page paper at the end of each study. I had also made a commitment not to hide my lesbian identity.
While I was very excited about this new pursuit, given my long absence from church and my faith, the early stages of the program found me woefully limited in my knowledge, and my confidence faltered. In fact, after the first class, I considered not going back. But stay I did, and with each new course, I met new people, risked more, felt my authority growing.
Two powerful experiences validated staying. In one class a minister from conservative branch of the Presbyterian Church was in my group. We’d talked about our families—his wife’s illness, Joyce’s death and my grief, discussed our texts and attended a Taize service together. One night over dinner he told me that he had been wrestling with his church’s stance on gay issues. He’d never doubted their beliefs, he said, until he met two really devout lesbians in the program: Mona West, years before, and me. I listened open-heartedly to his soul-disturbance and responded from a kind but grounded authentic personhood. Somehow, just being who I was as a lesbian had made an impact on him.
Later in the program I facilitated a group in a course on inclusiveness and bridge building. I came out our first day together, and our conversations were sensitive, respectful, and earnestly questioning. During our time on campus at the seminary, the Presbyterian Church (PCUSA) took another step towards full inclusion of LGBT+ individuals—and there was actually quite a sense of excitement. At the end of the course, a middle aged woman named Kathy asked to speak to me. She said she had “known” for some time that her son was gay and felt he wanted to tell her but hadn’t been able to—probably because he feared her judgment and maybe even rejection. But our being together in the class had opened her heart in a new way to his choices, and when she got home (she was teary now), she was going to go over and tell him that she knew that he was gay and that she loved him very much.
These memories spoke the Spirit’s wisdom: Be exactly who you are. You never know who needs your message.
PRAYER
God, who draws us out again and again, may my story comfort and liberate. Amen.
DEVOTION AUTHOR
Dr. Pat Saxon
Cathedral of Hope
Proclaiming Christ Through Faith, Hope and Love
5910 Cedar Springs Road | Dallas, TX | 75235
214-351-1901
info@cathedralofhope.com